How to Talk to The Unhoused

The LOT Project exists to foster a community where our neighbors have access to basic needs, shelter, and the love of Jesus Christ. Building community is integral to our basic needs program, Louie’s. More than distributing meals and clothes, our main objective is creating a space where people feel seen and heard. However, this concept of community-building can often feel intimidating, especially to introverts like myself. People frequently want to get to know their neighbors in need but do not know where to start. Something we get asked all the time is: how do I talk to someone who is unhoused? 

Before responding to this question, there is a basic assumption behind the question that must be addressed. Before anyone can actually talk to a person experiencing homelessness, they must remember that they are people - not projects or problems - just people. A strong community does not require one group of people to “save” the other, but it does require us to see each other through the lens of inherent humanity and dignity. The people that come through our doors on a weekly basis are all made in the image of God, volunteers and guests alike.

With that being said, normal smalltalk (with a few exceptions) is completely acceptable. “How is your day going,” “What have you been up to lately,” “What kind of music do you like,” etc. The only topics to generally avoid would be questions such as “What do you do for work” and “where do you live.” These topics can be sensitive to some of our neighbors. You also likely wouldn’t ask a housed person what their childhood was like or confront them about their life choices the first time you meet them. If you wouldn’t talk about it with a new next door neighbor, it is likely best to avoid it with a new unhoused neighbor. With time, you may get to that level of friendship, but let it take time. 

Getting on the level of the person is also very important. No one likes to be talked down to, either physically or mentally. If they are sitting, then sit. If they are standing, then stand. These simple gestures subtly communicate equality and empathy. Standing over someone while you talk communicates authority. The second thing is to get on the level with them mentally. I know unhoused people that are just as cogent and eloquent as I am. Last week I had a very enlightening conversation with a man about politics. Another man showed me the (remarkably good) poetry he wrote while in jail. Just because the unhoused may not be versed in the same things you are does not mean they are unintelligent. It is helpful for me to focus on things that our unhoused neighbors are more skilled at than me, such fixing a bike or navigating public transportation.

Lastly, use your judgement. If you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, don’t approach the individual and don’t hesitate to leave. We have found that often the environment will determine your level of comfort. In Louie’s I see college students talk to people that “look homeless” every week. I would never recommend you approach a stranger alone but here at Louie’s that may actually be feasible. We recommend that you use your judgement to judge the less nefarious as well. As in the rest of your life, there may be unhoused people that you just don’t hit it off with. The beauty is, you don’t have to keep talking to them! Keep meeting people until you find someone who you feel comfortable with. Even after years of doing this, the staff finds some people easier to talk to than others. That is totally okay. 

I hope that what you walk away with from this is that “homeless people” are people first. Homelessness is a permeable and non-permanent identifier in someone's life like “student” or “renter.” “Homeless” is not a lifelong identifier. It is not something that defines an individual's entire identity. It is a state that is brief and non-recurring for most people. When you talk about homelessness or to the homeless themselves I ask that you remember one thing. Your drug addicted uncle that your grandparents took care of his whole life. Your wayward daughter that you took back in after she dropped out of college. Your sister that got a DUI and had to borrow money for a lawyer. In all likelihood, you are 1 or 2 steps removed from someone that was or would have been homeless if someone had not stuck out their neck for them. Treat everyone like you treat them. 

This conversation started as an outcropping of our Lot Bookclub about When We Walk By, an excellent book on what it would look like to engage meaningfully with the issue of homelessness. If you wish to join us for our next discussion of The New Jim Crow on November 3rd please sign up here! 

If you wish to help us foster this community please donate here.